Nature lodge in Podgorica Municipality, Montenegro
2 guests · 3 bedrooms · 1 bath
Reasons to book
Great for petsBring all your friends and family, even the furry ones
Well priced for this locationPriced under area average
Book with confidenceWe partner with the top travel sites so you know you're getting a great deal on the perfect rental
Location
Reviews
2 / 10
One star for the view, two for surviving and being able to tell the tale.
The villa has a decent view, and that's the only thing that's true.
The dot on the map is a sham: it's another 20-minute drive from here, and if you arrived by taxi, welcome to being held hostage. There's no signal, no WiFi, and the only place with a network is the second floor, where you'll climb with your phone over your head, like the Statue of Liberty with a torch, only instead of a torch, you'll be hoping to send a text message.
The day after you move in, you'll discover you're not alone. Your new neighbor is Martin, an old man who wakes up before you, coughs louder than a storm warning, and cleverly manipulates his deafness to avoid hearing any hints that it's time for him to leave. If the morning is particularly quiet, you'll be awakened by the squeal of a pig—Martin slaughters one around seven in the morning, apparently the local alarm clock. Breakfast isn't included, but the spectacle is.
The house itself: dust, cobwebs, and the feeling that it was last cleaned under Tito. Besides the master bedroom, there are two barracks to choose from. No air conditioning. No fan. No washing machine. All you have is stuffiness, dirt, and the knowledge that you paid for it.
The request for a transfer was ignored until it dawned on Martin that there was money to be made. And then a miracle happened: the deafness suddenly lifted, and he blurted out, "100 euros." Not 10. Not 50. One hundred. For a twenty-minute drive. Apparently, that price included the depreciation of his hearing aid, which only activates when he hears banknotes.
Bottom line: if you're dreaming of a small-scale horror film with elements of a slaughterhouse, dust allergies, and an old man living with you, this is the place for you.
If you just want to relax, look elsewhere on the map. Preferably a real one. And with air conditioning.
And without Martin.
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